it used to true whenever Bill would look at me,
he’d always have a twinkle in his eyes
and I came to expect to see his smile
every time,
but now I wait for even his eyes to shine
as they did before, for a while I noticed
his eyes still shined, but that beautiful
smile didn’t follow as it did before.
A small upward turn of his lips is all he
could manage, but soon even that will be gone.
For now, his eyes don’t even shine they just look blank,
they just stare straight ahead, not even
the small upward turn of his lips is he able to manage.
The tears well up in my eyes, but I just smile
at him and many times he’d grab my hand
in desperation, for fear that I’d leave him sitting
there just staring straight ahead because he no
longer knows what he is supposed to do.
He took care of me as long as he could, but he has forgotten.
He thinks I don’t want to be with him anymore
He's been dependent upon me for the last five or six years of his life
, and I hate to admit it but it did become burdensome
and I feel guilty, and did I lose some love for him?
but my sister tells me that I loved him
and took care of him ‘till the end
She said I did it so well, and I did it out of love and
respect for him. I don’t feel that way sometimes,
but it is true.
He's forgotten much of what he used to be, a man
so capable of being alive and enjoying the life
he lived and the many things he used to do.
He did love me with all his heart, and he never
looked around to find greener grass. He saw
me at my worst, and my best,
and he loved me deeply through every single
moment of it good and bad. My sister reminds
me of how much in love Bill was with me.
She said she wishes that I could remember
how much it showed in his eyes when
he looked at me. I start to cry, the tears just flow.
I know I did love him too and many times my eyes
would show it when I was looking at him.
He never minded my tears; he’d always hold me
when I cried and he’d say
hat he didn’t know what to do for me
or how to help me. I used to look at him with
the love and appreciation for all the many
things he did through the years out of love for me.
I would tell him that he was doing it, just holding
me and letting me cry on his shoulder was all I would ever need.
Oh, how I still miss him. I find myself smiling
because I hear people outside my apartment
and think it is Bill coming home, just for a moment,
and then I remember that he is sleeping in death.
It still stings after all these years. now I know
why Jeremy had such a strong hold on me for so long.
I miss Bill still, and I wish he was still here to be
my loving husband the same as he was for 30 years.
This was a good post. I enjoyed reading it. Alanon is good for everyone who joins. I never did receive…
When I was a child, I was shy and very soft spoken. Now those of you that know me, quit laughing, I was too shy, and I was very soft spoken also. Many children were, not so much today as they were 50 years ago. I felt that I was inferior to everyone. I played normally, most of the time. Red rover, 123 redlight, mother, may I? and all the other games. I was a tomboy and good at running and climbing trees and hanging upside down by my knees. I hated being
inside.
In any case, I grew up despite my inadequacies. Along the way, there were far too many bumps, I thought. When I grew up and look back at my childhood there were some good times, and there were a few times that I did shine in my own right. There were a few times that I did fit in with the rest of the kids.
Remembering an assignment that we had to do on the spur of the moment, the teacher asked us all how we would act if we found a mouse in our slipper when we got out of bed. The teacher called on each of us in no particular order. She usually called on me last and this time was no different. Each student did nothing but yawned, stretched, put their slippers on, ran and screamed. I am so glad that I was last because I thought the way they were all doing the same
thing was stupid.
When finally, my turn came around I yawned too, but I also wiped the sleep from my eyes, stretched, and yawned again. I then picked up one slipper put it on and put my foot back on the floor. I then slipped my other foot into the other slipper made a puzzled face wiggled my foot, and then I picked up my slipper, looked in it shook it. As I watched a mouse drop out of my slipper and scurry away down the hall I took a deep noisy breath, made my eyes wide open,
and then I made my face scrunched up in disgust, and then I yelled out “Mom, Mom, and threw my slipper on the floor. My teacher applauded me and said that what I did would happen in a real situation. Well, it only made sense to me that you had to look and see what was wiggling in your slipper first. She praised me in front of the class. I did shine inside and out. It made me feel so happy the rest of the day.
This class was on public speaking and I loved it. Another time I shimmered was on an assignment of comedy. We were all to write about a funny way something was invented. I told my dad I was stuck and didn’t know what to write about. My dad said he had an idea. I could write on how the twist was invented. I asked what he meant he said maybe an ice cube had somehow fallen down into a
fat lady’s dress. I thought about that and since it was freezing cold while it was melting, she turned one way and then other just trying to get the ice cube out of her dress without reaching inside her dress. As she shimmered this way and that, all the while screaming OOH, OOh, it finally fell out but not before the kids were laughing and they started doing this new dance. They started calling it the twist and from now on, the twist has been a big fat hit.
The other kids in the class loved it and the teacher was howling. Of course, I acted like what I thought she would be doing. All were laughing so much. I walked to my seat and had to pass the teacher. I remember her asking me if I had thought of that myself. I had to admit that my dad came up with the idea, but I wrote the story. She had an A in her book, but she marked it down to a B-. I still gleamed that day, so there was another shimmer in my life. I’m sure there were other times I sparkled too. I just can’t think of them right now.
Somehow as time went on, I grew from a shy child that could hardly speak above a whisper to a woman who had no problem voicing her opinion. It was time, circumstances, and effort that brought me out of my shell and blossom into a writer that is able, as are many others, to put down thoughts that are understood, heartfelt, is able to touch hearts and sometimes tickle funny bones. Isn’t life great?
These lessons are easy to follow. I explain what things are, and what they do.
You will not get frustrated, confused, or angry at the computer or me, since my lessons are in plain language that is not meant for the computer genius. There are some new words that will have to be learned, but even that will be made easier than doing it on your own.
There is even extra help for those who miss something or don’t understand a concept or way to do things at no extra cost. I will work with you until you understand and are able to master whatever it is you are working on.
No crashing computers
I crashed my computer so many times and lost everything I had accomplished; and many pages of journals and private diaries that I rewrite and post online had vanished along with everything else… This won’t happen to you. You will know what is Okay to touch and what isn’t.
I don’t want anyone to struggle with the issues I had and consequently give up learning an important tool that you need today in life. Many think they are too old to learn the computer and don’t want to bother with it. Can you say that today? It may not have been important back then, but every company expects you to order online, apply for a job online, file it online, or do something else online. Even the government expects it, so how are you supposed to do that if you don’t know how? or if you don’t even have the internet?
I know of one lady my age who has to sit through long classes a distance away because she can’t take these necessary classes for her job. There is really no need for this to happen to anyone. Don’t let your parents and other loved ones fall any further back from the rest of the world than they are right now. Sign up today for these classes.
Even students need to do research and school work online. Some students do not know how to do that. These lessons will help you too and give you the upper hand.
If you were given just one wish, and that is the only wish that you would ever get in your life, what would be your one wish? Would it be for glamour, happiness, money, power, world peace?
I know what I would ask for; I would ask to be given the same opportunity that Adam and Eve had. If you stop to think about this, what would that exactly entail? Well, according to the story of creation, Adam was created first, and Eve was made from Adam’s rib, and she was presented to him. They were told they were husband and wife. He was so happy that he said “At last, this is flesh of my flesh and bone of my bones.” He was grateful to have a mate to keep him company and be a complement of him.
In the garden of Eden Adam and Eve were perfect. Just think, Adam was created perfect; that was a perfect body and a perfect brain. What could be contained in a perfect brain? In my mind’s eye, I would never forget anything, not names, or conversations, or anything I have ever learned in my life. Math would be a snap for problem solving would not be a problem. We could easily learn any type of work that we wished to learn and only have to be told how to do things once. An infinite amount of information would be stored in our brains. Can you imagine that? All these things and more would be attained in just one wish.
The things that I have learned in my lifetime are so small compared to what I would love to explore and learn about. I would love to learn to read music and play the piano, the guitar, the flute, every instrument there is. I want to know all the species of animals, plants, fish, and trees. Then there is food so many foods I’ve never known and let alone tasted. I would have always liked to have my hands in the dirt to grow things, but the heat and the sun have been my adversaries. We get sick, old and die. Right now that is a fact of life. Will it ever be different from what it is today? What would be the benefit of that? What would you like to do? Swim with the whales? Explore the jungle? Pet a tiger or a lion, ride a hippopotamus? Nothing would be unattainable with just one wish.
How would the earth be? Would there be global warming today? How about air, water and soil pollution? Would they be here today, or would the earth be perfect too? It would have to be since mankind would not be ruining the earth. Think how green the grass would be, the deserts would be filled with life and beauty, the oceans would be oh so blue. That is to say that man is ruining the earth; all because of greed, selfishness and wickedness in the world. Think of what the earth would have been had Adam not sinned. There would be no imperfection. Think what men do now. Trash is everywhere, people are greedy and so food for their people sit on the docks rotting, cruelty is at a peak, the list goes on and on. One wish would clean the earth of selfishness.
There would be no death. It’s interesting that the sentence God passed on Adam was sin and death. (Genesis Chapter 3) Sin is missing the mark of perfection. Since Adam
Just about everyone knows that life is getting harder and people are becoming wearier as the bad todays turn into worse tomorrows. People are abusive and it is seen in many of the young people today,
When a person comes from an abusive home, they carry much baggage around as they are growing, and by the time they become adults, a very large suitcase is needed. The contents in that suitcase are the very real damages of broken and abusive homes. There are all kinds of labels for each behavior. Low self-esteem, cruelty in different ways, no love to give, and the list goes on and on for an eternity.
Have no doubts, they seem to know they are in some way damaged goods and not suitable for any type of life that might give them happiness and peace of mind. There is no need to talk about living in an abusive home because everyone that resided in that situation knows all the common threads that patch their livestogether, gives them a warped sense of humor and an outlook on life that cannot be understood by someone that has not been there.
This ugly little green caterpillar was afraid of everything and always imagined the worst of things. She was not sure how that came to be, but she only knew that’s how it was. This ugly caterpillar shared a house with a mother, and four siblings. Her bedroom was in the attic and a chimney ran straight through the middle of the space. Her sister slept on one side of the room and she slept on the other. There was a window in the wall between their beds and there was a huge oak tree in the neighbor’s yard, which they only knew as an acorn tree because of all the acorns that fell throughout their yard. In the summer it provided shade for their swings and that was nice, and at night it looked like a fluffy cloud that gently swayed from side to side as if it were dancing. The ugly green caterpillar loved watching the dance until she drifted gently off to sleep.
In the winter it was a totally different scene on the ceiling of that room. At night in the winter the limbs were bare and when the cold wind blew, the branches looked like crooked arms that danced wildly across the ceiling from her sister’s side to hers. She remembers staring at the ceiling for what seemed an eternity, with eyes wide open and remembering the Wizard of Oz with scenes of the flying monkeys. Oh, this little green caterpillar just knew that those horrible monkeys were going to get her and hurt her in some way. At night, all she could do is stare at the ceiling with eyes wide open, afraid to close them lest they come and grab her and take her far away from home. Her heart would beat hard and fast while she shook from head to toe. She remained that way until her eyes would close, heavy with sleep, and too weighed down to stay open, then sleep came only to bring on nightmares of what her thoughts had been just a short time ago.
This caterpillar used to speak very softly, hardly above a whisper and she remembers the caterpillars always getting closer to her and turning their heads’ always trying to hear her better. She does remember the teacher always saying, “What? What did you say? Speak up; I can’t hear what you are saying.” It was quite embarrassing because everyone was looking at her and they laughed which made her even more embarrassed. Sometimes she’d wonder if she would ever live through some of those days; always wishing she could just disappear into thin air never to be seen again. She had no idea just about everyone goes through something in their childhood that was embarrassing in some way. Many nights she would cry herself to sleep, but no one else could hear her.
When the green caterpillar grew to be a teenager, she fared no better. She didn’t seem to fit in anywhere. She managed to make a few friends but she’d lose friends as soon as she made them but never knew why.
She was good at sports and swimming and was able to beat everyone in her class at all the sports and the gymnastics we did. No one liked her because of that either. She just happened to be better at sports than anything else and enjoyed them immensely. That littlegal loved going to gym class and it was the only class in which she consistently earned an A. It was an A in all her physical education classes throughout her school years. By her teens she had learned to speak louder than she did when she was a bit smaller, but it still wasn’t loud enough because people had to still ask her what she just said, and besides that, she still stuck out like a sore thumb.
There was no sense of style and was lost in a sea of young adults not knowing how to behave since they all were lost and trying to find themselves within this sea of teens. Oh well, she graduated finally and now she thought that she would suddenly fit in somewhere that she didn’t fit in so far. Still, she was not comfortablein life or even in her own skin. She wanted out of the house. She wanted to be on her own. Her parents took a look at her fingernails and said, “No, you’re not quite ready yet.” That’s all they said, “You’re not ready yet.”
It was then that this little green caterpillar went into a cocoon and hid, because here she finally felt she was in a safe place to hide from life. Safely tucked away in this cocoon she knew she was safe to try and make changes. She was changing daily, and hoped that she would fare better in life than she had so far. She wanted to be liked by everyone. While in that cocoon she would daydream about how she wanted to be. At night she would think of how she could be better and these thoughts consumed her while she was in that cocoon all by herself.
That little green caterpillar, which had seen herself as being ugly, and unwanted, had gone into a cocoon tohide and hoped she would change. Instead of feeling angry all the time, she became calm, and stayed that way as she silently began to work inside that cocoon.Once she felt that she was changing into something else, she relaxed and began to feel much better.
Not too much time had gone by before a male butterfly began a conversation with her through the cocoon wall and in a very short time, he just swept her off her many feet. She knew that something was different. She knew that she already made some changes and felt that she was still making changes just how big those changes were; was yet to be seen.
But she had no idea exactly how big those changes had become and actually no one was quite ready for her to come out of the cocoon; and she was in for the biggest surprise of all.She suddenly felt it was time to leave the cocoon for good. Besides, it was getting a little crowded in theresince she had grown a little more than she expected to. She was going to step outside but discovered she had no feet anymore. She started to cry, but when she went to wipe the tears away, she noticed that she had huge, thin flaps of material where some of her feet used to be.
When she moved them fast, she wasn’t on the branch anymore. It was raining but that didn’t bother her, she thought this was great fun and oh how much easier it was to fly than coordinate all those legs and feet.
When she got tired enough to stop, she landed on a flower and she saw her reflection in a drop of water on the flower. By golly, she was no longer ugly but had turned into a beautiful butterfly. She could now see color, no longer were things just black and white. She could now actually see colors; what a beautiful sight. That good looking thing that swept her off her manyfeet had been patiently waiting for her to come out of the cocoon.
He still had a power over her, and since it was such a powerful attraction, they flew away together. This proves that with lots of work, time, and thought, the suitcase can get lighter until one day it disappears.
cm writes 
This was a good post. I enjoyed reading it. Alanon is good for everyone who joins. I never did receive…